and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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