you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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