i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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