I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
