I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize