she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
