ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
