Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
