At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
