we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
