I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
