Got a toothbrush?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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