Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize