you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
