Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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