I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Holy shit dude........stairs
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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