i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
