Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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