Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
