Christians are straight up FREAKS
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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