jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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