What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
