giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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