He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
