at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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