More tranny stories later!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
