Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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