God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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