is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You were trust falling into bushes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
