Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
