Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
