we're chasing vodka with high fives
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
