people are starting to question the shark bite story
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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