I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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