My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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