Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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