he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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