Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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