Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
