I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
