I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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