Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
