I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
