I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
