he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
