problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
