There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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