forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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