Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
