Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize