i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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