It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
