keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize