I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I met the friendliest cop last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
