It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
