Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
