My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
