Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
