I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
