Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
