Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
