Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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