I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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