if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
