When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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