I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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