My hand turned me down
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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