i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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